Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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