Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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