The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
