You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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