My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
