whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
