she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
