Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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