Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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