they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So much rum. So many feels.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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