I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
