My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
