someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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