i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
