I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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