i just sent this text using only my big toe
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
