just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Drake has all the answers
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
