I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
