He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
