TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
