Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize