Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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