I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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