if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
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These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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