Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
well you can't waste a boner
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
