During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
