matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
