well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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