If that was your dad, he is hot
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
