I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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