so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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