we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
