So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
