Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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