4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
