One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
