Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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