I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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