the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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