please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
