If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
