so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
