I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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