I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
