I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
