Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
