when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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