i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
