Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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