I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
