She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
