I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
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Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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