I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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