There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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