Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
