What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
