I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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