sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
