The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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