i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
