I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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