Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The air was thick with penises
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
